now and then I reassess the guiding principles that I try to live my life by. These were what came to mind yesterday, as I pondered the past five-ten years. I don’t share them to offer anyone advice – rather, just to give a glimpse into one brain among billions.
Get enough sleep.
Never drink alone. Your family tree is watered by alcohol.
Be wary of people who say things like, “I would never do that”: they lack self-awareness.
Never gossip.
Avoid friendships with people who gossip.
Be your own advocate – don’t expect (or let) others to do your thinking or fighting for you.
Tell your partner the truth – the whole truth. Especially if the whole truth will potentially rock the boat. Withholding aspects of yourself that you know might scare them is something like holding them hostage: you’re controlling the situation by not giving them the whole picture.
Read. Often. While doing nothing else.
Now and then ask yourself what you’re most afraid of: be it an idea, a person, a lifestyle, a memory. Then learn as much as possible about it and talk as much as possible about it.
Embrace the fact that you’re often wrong and admit it when you are.
Never dumb yourself down or sweeten yourself up just to appease somebody.
Buy the better butter.
Get the nicer cheese.
Take care of your appearance.
Pay attention to what you rationalize – especially if you’re defensive about it.
Neither demonize your bodily appetites nor assume they have your long-term happiness & healthiness in mind.
Consider the most joyous outcome as a viable possibility.
churches and trains 
“Now and then ask yourself what you’re most afraid of: be it an idea, a person, a lifestyle, a memory. Then learn as much as possible about it and talk as much as possible about it.”
Amen. Avoiding seems safer, but those things continue to fester. It’s scary. And takes time. The effort of finding someone outside my circles to talk to can be difficult. But the world and people who occupy it are so much larger and vibrant than I expect. And I’m freer myself when I realize those fears are based on projections not reality.
Hi Alanna,
I was sorry to see the excerpt from Winell’s book taken off, and just wanted to say that it resonated with me so glowingly that I was itching to share it with ALL the people! 😀 (Well, actually, probably just a select few, as I’m still an apostate-in-hiding.)
Also want to say (and please know I mean this genuinely, with no judgmental subtext) that it’s been fascinating to see some posts of yours appear and disappear. My guess would be that this is your way of working through the deconstruction process, and working through part of that process you want to share publicly, permanently, even when of course no part of the process is permanent. I hope you know that your most sympathetic readers won’t hold you forever-accountable for ideas you’re working through, but also that we respect however you need to work through them. Either way—any way—I still love getting the small glimpses of your journey. 🙂
*working through what parts of that process you want to share. (Sorry, phone-paragraphs are hard.)
..and also, a large part of me just doesn’t care to be sharing any of my life or process out loud with the world at large, anymore. I never wanted to be a catholic spokeswoman when I was catholic… and I don’t much want to be an ex-catholic spokeswoman now that I’m an ex-catholic, lol!
Hi Em!
Thanks!
I pulled it because a troll who comments on almost everything I posted couldn’t keep from saying something that felt intentionally dismissive and arrogant (I could be wrong), and I just got tired of hearing it, tired of being bothered. I post on here for others who are in a similar space that I’m in, in goodwill and with gentleness, and so when people comment reactively (and from an utterly different place), I find it frustrating.
You can’t really be a self-proclaimed ex-Catholic though, not if you were confirmed. Indelible mark on thee soul and all…
that IS what they say! But I don’t believe in indelible marks. *shrugs*
Hey Alanna,
My name is Corwin. I discovered your music a year or two ago and I just wanted to say that I am deeply moved by “Simon (Petros)” and “beautiful boy (station XIII)” almost every time I hear them. Those songs are two of the dozen or so contemporary songs that have genuinely helped me grow closer to Christ and love him more. I know you don’t identify as Catholic anymore, but I also know that you know that, from a Catholic perspective, you’ve given me a great gift.
Also, my wife loves “I’ll Be Your Woman” and I sing “That Guy” to my two-year-old girl all the time (for no reason). And Gerard Manley Hopkins is my wife’s favorite poet, and “Davey” is just the catchiest (and also touching).
Sorry, it’s silly to post about your music on an unrelated blog post. I have terrible internet etiquette. But I just wanted to say thank you for the music. : )
Peace,
Corwin